Learning How to Move Through Discomfort and Build Intimacy with Yoni Massage

People live in a state of disconnection with themselves and with others because moving into reconnection can actually be quite emotionally challenging. In some cases, it can even be physically challenging.

Building real connection and intimacy within ourselves and with others requires the ability to move through the discomfort of the many emotions we are holding in relation to our disconnection. Lack of intimacy is usually the result of avoidance – not only do we avoid feeling the more painful or challenging feelings, but there are aspects of ourselves, often reflected in others, that we avoid in order to circumvent the discomfort associated with confronting them.

For example, we may have a very deep desire for more sensual pleasure in our lives, but we might avoid asking for that or seeking it because we have uncomfortable feelings lying between our present experience and that which we desire. We may be deeply uncomfortable with being vulnerable because it makes us feel unsafe, because in the past we have been vulnerable and experienced pain as a result. We may have experiences in our past that make it hard for us to trust we are safe when we are receiving sensual pleasure. Our body keeps the score with such experiences – when we go through something that is traumatic or that brings up a feeling of lack of safety, our body marks the experience as something that is unsafe, and therefore goes into defense and self-protective mode. This can make it doubly hard for someone to open up and receive pleasure, because their body is fighting against the current experience, believing it to be a situation in which they are in danger. It’s really hard to lay back and enjoy yourself when part of you believes you are in danger.

The lack of pleasure that we feel in association to sensual touch due to the amount of shut down we have in our body, because of negative experiences in the past, can be a major deterrent when it comes to pursuing the desire of experiencing more sensual pleasure. We can get into a cycle where we simply tell ourselves we are not interested. It is too painful to wade through the waters of trying to accept and receive sensual touch, so we just tell ourselves that it is not really our thing.

The truth is, that living in denial of a deep desire like the desire for loving, connected physical touch, is truly a painful way to live. It’s a half-lived life. It is living in an illusion of safety and comfort that ultimately doesn’t feel all that safe or comfortable. Deep down, we all long for a feeling of connection. We all long to be seen and loved in our most vulnerable state. Denial of this need is denial of a deep aspect of our humanity.

Connection is a basic need for all humans. To be seen, heard, and held in our most vulnerable of states is a basic need. The ability to embody our full truth, to bring our fully authentic selves to an intimate interaction with another, is a basic need.

Some of us were denied this basic need as children. Some of us had to withdraw into ourselves at a very young age because our basic need for connection was not being met. Some of us learned to generate emotional drama, or conflict, in order to attract the attention – this experience felt at least adjacent to connection – which we so desperately craved.

Some of us learned how to be entirely independent. Some of us learned how to be completely dependent upon others. Many of us did not have our need for authentic, vulnerable, loving connection met.

The pain of this level of disconnection is uncomfortable to wade through. It creates a physical and emotional resistance to intimacy that is incredibly difficult to surmount. This is why people find themselves in “romantic” connections that end up feeling more like living parallel lives. People create connections of “comfort” that are actually just unspoken agreements around avoiding intimacy. Patterns are developed around certain aspects of life that are not to be touched our explored, and it becomes a way of life. People create habits of survival that work, that serve many basic needs, but, ultimately, they don’t serve those deeper emotional needs – the need to be deeply, authentically seen and loved.

These connections are more connections of convenience than they are connections of true intimacy. The truth is, most humans are craving connection on a level that has become hard to reach due to the amount of negative intimate experiences most of us have had and are having. It has become a real act of courage to vulnerably engage in true intimacy with another person.

Benefits of Yoni Massage

This is where yoni massage enters the picture. Yoni massage is erotic massage for women. Yoni massage is a beautiful opportunity to lean into the discomfort of intimacy, as a practice. Yoni massage is an opportunity for a woman to fully lean in to relaxation in the presence of a partner, to fully open to receiving all sensation and pleasure. Yoni massage is an exercise in intimate trust, an opportunity to gain clarity around what one enjoys and what one does not.

A yoni massage practitioner is trained to keep a careful eye trained on your body’s responses to pleasure. They are also trained to create complete clarity during a session around your desires and your boundaries. The goal is to create an experience that is solely a source of relaxation and pleasure, not a source of further stress or trauma.

Yoni massage can actually be an incredibly effective way to reset the body’s experience with physical intimacy. By creating clarity around one’s desires, connecting with the body and getting clear around what would and would not feel good to experience, one is given the opportunity to experience the fulfillment of such desires in a safe scenario. This creates a brand new experience with intimacy, and can help the body learn to trust and open during pleasure, rather than feel threatened and closed down.

Intimacy and connection require leaning into discomfort. Opening up to deeper levels of experience requires bravery through exploration, and opening up to new sensations and experiences. It is so easy to avoid this work. It is so easy to lead a life that only scrapes the surface and doesn’t meet our deepest needs. In so many ways, it is so easy to survive, rather than thrive.

But the truth is, so many of us are not satisfied with merely surviving. Many of us want to experience the juice of life, the deepest reasons for living. Intimacy and connection are among these. The amount of sheer passion we are capable of feeling in connection with another person is part of what makes it so worthwhile to be a human.

Yoni massage is an opportunity to fully embrace that which is uncomfortable – in this case, the idea of a strange person touching your body and providing you sexual stimulation – and open up to receiving the reward on the other side of this discomfort – deep satisfaction.

Deep satisfaction is something that so many of us refuse to acknowledge that we crave. We are afraid to ask ourselves the challenging questions around what we crave that might be considered unpopular or taboo. The idea that we may be allowed to desire what we do based on a purely individual basis is denied. The truth is, that when it comes to connection and intimacy, there is no desire that is taboo. One thing that yoni massage is great for is eradicating shame around desire.

Yoni massage often comes with, essentially, a menu of experiences, and there is no judgment what-so-ever around particular desires. While someone might have experienced shame around desiring anal stimulation, for example, for much of their lives, a yoni massage is an opportunity to explore such sensation completely guilt and shame-free. This can be incredibly healing.

Basically, if you have a sexual desire that you feel resistance around admitting to, it is likely due to shame, and requesting such pleasure during a yoni massage can completely heal this shame, and open you up to completely new levels of pleasure and passion that you had not imagined.

Yoni massage is an opportunity to get real with yourself around what you truly, deeply desire to experience at the hands of a pleasure partner. It is an opportunity to drop the shackles of shame, open wide the field of potentiality and to truly consider for the first time what you would enjoy to experience if there were no question other than what would you like to receive.

Yoni massage presents an opportunity when there is zero expectation of reciprocation, and the only question that matters is – what would you enjoy? What do you need? What would be pleasurable to you?

This is why yoni massage is such a beautiful chance to step into what feels uncomfortable and unfamiliar, in order to experience more intimacy with self and another person. It can completely reestablish patterns and open up new possibilities for connection. Yoni massage can be a fantastic way to put the intention of greater connection with self and others into action.

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