Meet a sex surrogate: I have sex with my clients, but I’m not an escort.
I’m Rocky, an older man on a lifelong hunt for better sex. This has taken me to some weird places, and through several iterations of my offering. I run a successful construction company, I’m a father, have a partner that I live with, and I’m a sex surrogate.
What is a sex surrogate?
Basically I’m a person that helps others overcome their difficulties with intimacy through a hands on approach. It’s intimate and therapeutic and healing, using a holistic approach.
Clients seek me out when they need help with sexual issues, or simply want to gain experience. I work with women who have a touch deficit, who are virgins past the age when it feels socially acceptable and when it feels like a barrier for them. I work with people with various forms of sexual dysfunction such as anorgasmia.
It’s a mixed bag of reasons, but the desire is always the same – to have better intimacy and more of it.
Sexual healing has been underground during the last century, but is now making much of a comeback, and it’s making a breakthrough particularly in the US.
It’s no secret that sex sells, and because of that we live in a highly sexualized society. We all get many damaging messages from society, and I’m in the wonderful position of getting to teach people things I wish we’d all been taught when we were teenagers.
Our sexuality is such a core part of our identities, it’s amazing that through all these years of human history we are in a place where it’s shamed, used to sell us goods and generally we’re unsupported with it.
I love being able to be that support, and to make a difference in people’s intimate lives. Having a healthy sex life is so important for us physically and emotionally. A healthy sex life is crucial our physical and mental health.
Sex is a great way to de-stress, connect with another person and feel supported. It’s the place we’re intimately reminded that we’re not alone in this world, and where all the stresses and worries of daily life fall away. Leaving us precisely in the moment, savoring each second.
Or that’s how it can be. I help you get there.
I don’t pretend I have all the solutions, but I have been a meaningful part of many people’s journey to figuring it out.
Sexual Healers and Tantric Healers
Often sexual healers talk about sexual energy or being tantric healers. I think these are all simply ways to explain what they do. They often bring some spiritual mumbo jumbo with it which I try to avoid.
They talk about sacred sexuality, which I believe is true, I just don’t feel a need to make it spiritual. I think often they just have a different perspective on the world.
I like to be hands on, and down in the mud figuring it out with you.
Figuring it out
I’ve been on that journey myself, which is why I can help.
I was brought up with so many mixed messages around sex, and no education at all. It was something no one wanted to talk about, and no one offered help with.
Like all of us, I’ve had a few failed relationships and one day I woke up to the fact that I wasn’t getting what I needed, and I didn’t know how.
In figuring that out I’ve had many healing experiences myself, and along the way I’ve been helping others when I can.
As part of my own exploration I began offering sensual massages, and I was being told that these were healing for the women who found me. Those reflections were healing for me too, undoing some of the negative stories I’d grown up with around sex.
As I explored and learned more I could offer more to my clients, and also help them more. This led me to my sex surrogacy work, which I’ve been offering for a few years.
A hand’s on approach
I’ve always been a hands on kind of guy, which is what has made me successful in construction.
The “legitimate” avenues we have, to deal with any of our issues are talk-based. We go to a counsellor or therapist or psychiatrist, or we take a pill that our doctor gives us.
These approaches never seem too useful to me, and it seems we make everything academic and we miss the practical. What good is talking if there is nowhere to practice or learn by doing?
I think these approaches are part of the problem. All talk and no action. What good is it being in our heads dissecting the problem when sex and sexuality is such an experience of the body.
In my work I help you find your body again, and experience the full range of what it can experience. Coming back into our bodies, and paying attention to them is healing. It’s the place we can learn to do something different. It’s the part of us that feels.
Sex is emotional.
Sex is healing
The Spartans had a very polarized society. Their men were trained killers and their women were the embodied feminine. When men came back from war, they were first held apart from the rest of society.
Here they were in the hands of the healers, and the sacred feminine. Their wounds would be tended to, they’d be put to work on the farms, working outdoors in the sun, and the women would literally fuck the trauma out of them, before they were allowed to re-enter society.
On some level we know sex and touch is healing.
On the other side, also in Ancient Greece, the physician Galen coined the term ‘hysteria’ – literally meaning ‘suffering uterus’. He named women’s unmet sexual desire as a disease. Symptoms included irritability, sexual deprivation, pelvic heaviness and too little vaginal lubrication.
His prescription was sex, and women would undergo a genital massage.
In the 1800s this practice was still happening, and women would go to their doctors and receive a hands on genital massage, for the treatment of hysteria.
The vibrator was created in 1869 by a doctor suffering from occupational injury to the wrists.
Since then, the practice has gone underground or into the home, and the healing aspect of involving another person has been lost. Now it’s undergoing a resurgence.
Clients seek out sexual surrogates when they need help. That’s where I come in. I still offer my massages, and I am also able to go deeper with clients, into a more intimate space.
My work is extremely rewarding. I feel like I can make a difference in people’s lives, and after working with me they can go off having learned something and experienced something that will be with them their whole lives.
It usually takes some time to work up to sex, as there are usually things to work through first, and often sensual massage is a good tool along the way.
When you arrive for your first session, we usually chat first & then talk about your sexual history. Often we move straight on to the sensual massage in the first session. This is a great way to just go straight in and overcome some of those intimacy blocks.
Over time, as rapport is built we discover new places to explore, and work towards penetration and sex.
I’m always focused on my clients, so you don’t have to worry about me. We’re there to help you learn and explore and hopefully get your needs met, not mine.
I work mainly from my discrete studio, but I also travel to clients.
I do a lot of work with women who have never orgasmed, or think they can’t orgasm. This is one of the principle things I work on, and often key to this is simply focusing on the client in a situation they feel comfortable in.
Men and women all need sexual healing, but I only work with women or couples.
Work with virgins
I do work with virgins, and help women overcome this issue, particularly those who are virgins later in life, and feel it is something that gets in the way. Often it is just a hurdle they need a little help overcoming.
Usually this is simply a fear they need to overcome by working with someone they feel comfortable with, and once the label virgin has been removed they are complete naturals in bed, and feel newly liberated.
Work with couples
Some of my most rewarding work is with couples when they come to me for help with their intimacy issues. Sometimes this is coaching for the men of how to please their partners, and sometimes this is coaching women on how to please men.
Everyone likes to feel good and confident at sex, and I provide a place where they can explore and learn without feeling embarrassed or ashamed.
We all need to learn.
Often issues arise from our ideas around sex, what it is and how it should be. I see so many people raised on porn, who think it should be hard and fast with the women there for the men. A lot of my work is undoing these ideas, and placing attention back on the women, which is something I love to do.
This work is one of the most rewarding things I have done in my life. I love being in the position of being able to give back and help others. It’s healing for me, and healing for my clients, and it’s a joy to help people make changes in their lives.
My goals as a sexual surrogate
I believe talk-based therapy is missing something – the body. My goal is to teach people to pay attention to their bodies, and act from there with the goal of pleasure.
I’d love to live in a world where we are more open with our sexuality and where everyone can get what they want.
I help women heal their sexual trauma from sexual abuse or simply bad lessons they’ve had around sex, so that they can experience a more pleasurable and fulfilled sex life. I believe that empowering women* empowers us all. That’s the core of my work.
My goal is that they go back into the world as better sexual partners, and better able to find the sexual partners they want, and able to find true sexual satisfaction in life.
Even though this service is legally in a grey area, I believe it’s invaluable. I wish it wasn’t so special and so rare to find. Sex is a big deal in our society, but we can undo the power it has over us, and learn a new and healthy way.
* The term “empowering women” is intended to mean, providing additional tools that women can use to re-establish power that has been usurped by men. Power that women already possess but has been self repressed. I never feel that I hold a power that I am granting or bestowing on you.
Arousal and orgasm can be a challenging concern. I am certain I can help with non-medical options. Almost no one doesn’t have questions though. So begin your journey to reclaiming the pleasure your body is capable by asking your question(s) here. Nothing is too taboo or inappropriate. I have heard it all. And I never tire of hearing what you have on your mind.
At Watchorgasm.events we have a page dedicated to showing you a few examples of yoni massage work, from a mildly naughty massage to a therapeutic vaginal massage. The videos are free but you will need to register to watch them.
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